July 15, 2009
It’s hard not to feel like change in a relationship isn’t loss. I used to crave your time, your touch, like air. Now I savor it like chocolate. Maybe craving is unhealthy. But I loved how it felt to be so very focused and alive. So very aware of your movements. So attune, you that you could literally start to fall and I would catch you, regardless of what else was occuring. Sometimes you don’t get caught, now. You pause and check to be sure I am _really_ there. I don’t always hear the crack of your boots or notice when you leave or enter a room. You miss it and are relieved simultaneously. I am ambiguous. It is change that we didn’t choose. It is change that I accepted to relieve the stress.
I joke that I like to get married, since I keep doing it. This makes me wonder if I will walk the same pattern and path I always have. Will you be another memory I savor or squelch, depending on the song on the radio?