What I found in the wilderness
March 27, 2010
I felt the heat of the water fill me up. I was smiling as I walked – spontaneous and full of joy. The beauty of having time in nature. The last time I went away to the woods alone, I was called back in rage. The last time I went to the woods to be alone with my heart, it cost my children their father. The last time I sought to center and find my heart, I was denied. Screaming rage and blame. She wanted to love me in ways she could not sustain. I believed in her and suffered the consequences.
I am new me. I wish I could write the heart of my yearning. I wish I could write out the story of us. I am here with the remnants of the past in my heart and in their home. I am walking the hallways of yesterday with the feet of today.
I called and we talked. I don’t want this to be how things stay.
I am dangerously close to having hope.