June 26, 2009
I feel so very broken by this whole legal mess. I don’t know why, I am very anxious about this process. I worry that I have been unfair to my ex. I worry that somehow I have made major mistakes that will create problems for my children. I am stressed over the debt I have created by doing this. I hate that he is legally less and less to his kids. My stomach feels tight and I perpetually feel like I want to cry.
I look forward to this being truly completed.
June 22, 2009
I should be packing for our trip this week. But I am going through my usual “the-kids-have-left-for-a-long-time” blues. The first time I put them on a plane for a long trip, I drove to my best friend’s and cried for an hour. It’s ridiculous, but as they get older, saying good-bye gets more difficult. It’s strange how having children takes over so much of your existence, defines so many of your choices and ways of being, and then … they leave. And, of course, we want them to grow up and live their own lives. That doesn’t change the large space in my heart that is empty when they aren’t around.
June 10, 2009
After years of amicable relations, my ex (mormon) husband and I no longer speak to one another. I filed for sole custody because making necessary legal decisions for minor children when the other parent won’t speak to you is challenging. I should say good riddance. I filed with the court a few weeks ago and he responded last week. Agreeing with most of what I put in the petition. He can’t really win. If he’d replied with disagreement I would have been frustrated, because we’ve really already agreed on everything. And by agreeing, he just made it all so real.